Two more days until THE event of the Trivia Season! This Sunday (Feb. 8th) at The Clash of The Trivia Titans, the paparazzi will be buzzing and snapping, spectators will be placing bets, and you Triviologists will be angling for the glory! In preparation, I imagine you teams memorizing the Guiness Book of World’s Records, watching the final season of The Facts of Life, and sewing those last few hundred sequins on your outfits for the Most Bitchin’ Costumes competition.

But somewhere in there, you must find time to vote (IF you haven’t already)! I need to find a home for my beautiful engraved trophies for Best Bartender, Favorite Foes, Best Shit-Talkers, etc., and only you can tell me who deserves them. Some of you kids are really campaigning up to the last minute, and in a variety of mediums – for example, Jill of Willocalypse offers some tart, yet helpful comments on my website. Almost every category is very close right now, so every vote will count! Do me a solid and take the short, 10 question survey. I could also use your input on naming my new friend, whom I have just hired to be the ShanRock’s Triviology logo:

If you suggest the name that the leprekey and I choose, you’ll get yourself a ShanRock’s Triviology T-shirt! The T-shirts will also be some of the prizes on hand for the trivia tournament – every member of both the Olympian Open and the Titan Invitational champion teams will score a T-shirt, and more will be on sale. There are a variety of other prizes for many different teams, including a silly donkey prize for the lowest scoring Titans. I’ve also made an adjustment to the chalice trophies, for it was a sad sight last year – the champion teams attempting to drink out of their freshly won gold cups, only to have the precious beer wasted, dripping out of the bottoms! Not this year, though – I have sealed them all up with wax, so your victory toasts will be drip-free!

I have some bad new for all of you Q-List celebrities out there: to maintain my position as a P-List celebrity, I can no longer be seen in public with you. My P-List status has just been solidified by my simultaneous appearance in Portland Mercury’s My What A Busy Week AND as a Willamette Week Headout pick – BAM!!! You may also want to come early to get a good seat. The Spare Room, on the corner of NE 42nd & Alberta Court, is conveniently located next to several TriMet bus lines – 10, 33, 72 & 75 are all within walking distance.

As a reminder of who your foes are, here are the 2009 Titans:

Dana Plato’s Republic

Dr. Spaceman

Fear! Fear For Your Safety

Fellatio Hornblower

Fuck Bill Sizemore

Genghis Kahan, Motherfucker!

I Just Called To Say Fuck You

Jimmy Hat Nation

Nobody Fucks With The Jesus

Rhinestone Crybabies

Willocalypse

Yankee Go Home

??????? (Olympian champion – insert your name here!!!)

And here is Sunday’s schedule:

5:00 REGISTRATION
Come early and grab a good table! Team size is 5 or less, and it costs $4 per person to play.

5:30 OLYMPIAN OPEN
Absolutely anybody is welcome to play. The winning team is the wild card seed who goes on to compete in The Titan Invitational. Titans may play UNofficially as a warm-up, but will win no prizes in this competition.

7:30 NON-COMPETITIVE AWARDS (aka “half-time show”!)
ShanRock hands out trophies and/or prizes for the Most Bitchin’ Costumes, Best Shit-Talkers, Best Bartender, Best Bridesmaids, Favorite Venue, Favorite Foes, etc. Everyone is welcome to participate in the Most Bitchin’ Costumes contest. Your presentation may be as simple as reading a team mission statement or origin story, OR as elaborate as the famously byzantine scene from “Cleopatra” which almost single-handedly destroyed the old Hollywood studio system.

8:00 TITAN INVITATIONAL
Teams play by “invitation” only, having qualified by being the winningest teams throughout the trivia year (10 wins or more, as listed in the Hall of Fame). Let me know if you think you’ve qualified, but we haven’t spoken of it yet. Olympians may play UNofficially just for fun, but will win no prizes in this competition (except for the wild card team, of course!).

10:00 FINAL AWARDS . . . and dance party?!?
Engraved trophies, ShanRock’s Triviology T-shirts, hand-knit Triviology champion scarves, a certificate for one free pub quiz at your home/office/bar, a variety of gift certificates, and more.

Each quiz will greatly resemble a standard night of Triviology, but a bit harder. Also, I will omit the Let’s Get Physical Challenge and the Whammy round. If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to call or Email me! I hope you’re as excited about this event as I am – it’s going to be the best trivia tournament ever!

Here are the champions for the week of 2/1/09 – 2/5/09:

Sunday @ 6:00
East Burn
1800 E. Burnside
TARDIS TEAM

Sunday @ 9:00
Ladd’s Inn
1204 SE Clay
FUCK PATRICK!

Monday @ 8:00
Hawthorne Hideaway
2221 SE Hawthorne
DOIN’ IT, DOIN’ IT, DOIN’ IT WILL – WILLOCALYPSE

Tuesday @ 7:30
Sewickly’s
4901 SE Hawthorne
PEN15 CLUB

Wednesday @ 8:00
The Hutch
4606 NE Glisan
DR. SPACEMAN

Wednesday @ 8:00
Peter’s 19th Hole
5701 NE Fremont
JACKIE’S BACK

Thursday @ 9:00
La Merde
301 SE Morrison
FEAR! FEAR FOR YOUR SAFETY

Thursday @ 9:00
Kenton Club
2025 N. Kilpatrick
BROWN CHICKEN BROWN COW

Thanks so much for playing with me, everybody!

Your trivia jockey,

Shannon Donaldson
ShanRock’s Triviology: Willamette Week Best of Portland
www.shanrockstrivia.com
(503) 957 – 7806

“Materialism is a disease of the mind starved for ideas.” – Jacob Needleman

I am having such fun reading your responses to my survey; your votes for the awards I will hand out at Sunday’s trivia tournament! The quality is there, but I need more quantity – cast your vote now if you haven’t already! Only YOU can decide who is the Best Bartender, Best Shit-Talker, Favorite Foe, etc. Seriously, you guys – I have all of these beautiful engraved trophies to hand out, and very few votes so far to determine who will receive them. Take the short li’l survey – ‘sfun! Another mission, should you choose to accept it, is to name my leprekey! “What the eff is a leprekey?” you may ask. The answer is pictured below – meet the brand new mascot for ShanRock’s Triviology!:

He’s a rad little bastard, no? But he needs a name! I hope to bestow his new title upon him at the Clash of The Trivia Titans, and give a reward to the individual who suggests said name. And that reward shall be . . . a ShanRock’s Triviology T-shirt, bearing the leprekey’s likeness!!! And furthermore, I’ll award some of those T-shirts to a couple of teams. I sprung for the nice ones: pre-shrunk American Apparel in 5 sizes, including girlie-style! I’ll have lots available for sale for you kids who want to buy one, too.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it it time to separate the Olympians from the Titans: every single trivia team has won either 8 times or less (these are the Olympians), OR 10 times or more (these are the Titams). Now remember, you eightsies (and sevensies and sixsies) out there could still qualify, as there are four more chances to take achieve victory before the tournament. But even if your win tally remains lower than 10, remember that Olympians are the ONLY ones who can win two trivia cups, so it’s good to be an Olympian! And now, here are the 2009 Titians:

Dana Plato’s Republic

Dr. Spaceman

Fear! Fear For Your Safety

Fellatio Hornblower

Fuck Bill Sizemore

Genghis Kahan, Motherfucker!

I Just Called To Say Fuck You

Jimmy Hat Nation

Nobody Fucks With The Jesus

Rhinestone Crybabies

Willocalypse

Yankee Go Home

??????? (Olympian champion – insert your name here!!!)

I will continue to bring trophies to my venues this week for you to admire, covet, and cast hexes upon, and there are also trophies on permanent display at Sewickly’s, Peter’s, and La Merde. The only non-trivia award which will be decided in-house is the Most Bitchin’ Costumes trophy, which will be decided by your applause. You may interpret this award any way you choose, and your team presentation and costumes may be as simple (reading your team mission statement or origin story) or as elaborate (fireworks, laser show, fake blood, stage hands, real blood) as you wish. Last year’s champions, “It’s Britney, Bitch!” are a tough act to follow, and I’ve heard a rumor that they, as well as at least a couple of other teams, are really going to amp it up and make the “half-time show” THE event of the trivia season! Here is the schedule for the tournament, which will be held at The Spare Room (4830 NE 42nd) this Sunday, February 8th:

5:00 REGISTRATION
Come early and grab a good table! Team size is 5 or less, and it costs $4 per person to play.

5:30 OLYMPIAN OPEN
Absolutely anybody is welcome to play. The winning team is the wild card seed who goes on to compete in The Titan Invitational. Titans may play UNofficially as a warm-up, but will win no prizes in this competition.

7:30 NON-COMPETITIVE AWARDS (aka “half-time show”!)
ShanRock hands out trophies and/or prizes for the Most Bitchin’ Costumes, Best Shit-Talkers, Best Bartender, Best Bridesmaids, Favorite Venue, Favorite Foes, etc.

8:00 TITAN INVITATIONAL
Teams play by “invitation” only, having qualified by being the winningest teams throughout the trivia year (10 wins or more, as listed in the Hall of Fame). Let me know if you think you’ve qualified, but we haven’t spoken of it yet. Olympians may play UNofficially just for fun, but will win no prizes in this competition (except for the wild card team, of course!).

10:00 FINAL AWARDS
Engraved trophies, ShanRock’s Triviology T-shirts, hand-knit Triviology champion scarves, a certificate for one free pub quiz at your home/office/bar, a variety of gift certificates, and more.

Each quiz will greatly resemble a standar night of Triviology, but a bit harder. Also, I will omit the Let’s Get Physical Challenge and the Whammy round. If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to call or Email me!

Here are the champions for the week of 1/25/09 – 1/29/09:

Sunday @ 6:00
East Burn
1800 E. Burnside
BOURBON RENEWAL

Sunday @ 9:00
Ladd’s Inn
1204 SE Clay
FUCK THOSE GUYS!

Monday @ 8:00
Hawthorne Hideaway
2221 SE Hawthorne
NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE JESUS

Tuesday @ 7:30
Sewickly’s
4901 SE Hawthorne
DANA PLATO’S REPUBLIC

Wednesday @ 8:00
The Hutch
4606 NE Glisan
THE GRISWOLDS

Wednesday @ 8:00
Peter’s 19th Hole
5701 NE Fremont
JIMMY HAT NATION

Thursday @ 9:00
La Merde
301 SE Morrison
FEAR! FEAR, FOR YOUR SAFETY

Thursday @ 9:00
Kenton Club
2025 N. Kilpatrick
YANKEE GO HOME

Thanks so much for playing with me, everybody!

Your trivia jockey,

Shannon Donaldson
ShanRock’s Triviology: Willamette Week Best of Portland
www.shanrockstrivia.com
(503) 957 – 7806

“Materialism is a disease of the mind starved for ideas.” – Jacob Needleman