This year, my compatriots and I have become increasingly obsessed with the excellent, multi-colored, ridiculous and divine trivia of the Shan-Rock Empire. We started going as a joke and as an excuse to eat french fries in a basement, but we accidentally won a few times and things got weird. Our team includes Andy Wood, who is founder and chief operational officer of the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, and Rylee Newton, former Hollywood Squares writer and Jimmy Kimmel guest, myself, a tap-dancer, comic, and fighter, and my spouse, whom I make drive me around and tell me childhood stories about the Hundred Years War.
For awhile, our team was named after various things from 30 Rock, the best living television show, including MILF Island, Never Follow A Hippie To A Second Location, and Every Week Is Shark Week, until another group that had used Werewolf Bar Mitzvah threatened to drop us like jive turkeys in the parking lot, so now we have settled on Dr. Spaceman, the physician who warns Tracey Jordan that bread is a silent killer and that science is whatever we want it to be.
Team Leader: Andy Wood, A.K.A. The Cute Beatle- Science and Olde-Tyme Radio
Historian: Thom Jones-because he was there. Also, elf-related triv.
Arts and Stuff About What The Japanese Eat: Virginia Jones
Television, Film, And Weirdness: Rylee Newton
Team Motto: “Let Go and Let Garp”
Favorite Question Type: Natalie Portmanteaux
Members Most Likely To Dance Obnoxiously In Order To Annoy Other Members:
Thom and Virginia Jones
Skee-Ball Specialist: Virginia Jones/Rylee Newton (shared duties)
Favorite Movie: All Coen Brothers Except The Ladykillers
Favorite I Don’t Feel Tardy Song: The Strangler’s Peaches
Our Nemesis Team: There are other Teams?
It all comes down to the finals this weekend, the Clash of the Trivia Titans at 5PM on Sunday. We may come back winners. We may come back losers. But we will come back…men. At least, those of us who were men to begin with.